Say Yes to No!

Hello all,

My last couple of blogs I addressed bullying, inappropriate use of cell phones, merit pay, and Britain’s penalty system for delinquent behavior. All of these subjects share a common denominator; parenting.

I don’t have children. Hope to have some one day. That would probably require a wife. All kidding aside, I can’t even consider the level of difficulty today’s parents face. However, I believe that every generation’s people are tested in some way. Current parents are stressed out and sleep deprived. Few can get by with a parent at home with the children. Their time, energy, and resources are taxed to the limit. Many powerful forces are pulling parents and their children in opposite directions. Here in the U.S. the culprit is economics.

Giant companies do everything possible do gain face time. According to Eric Schlosser’s Fast Food Nation, global multinational’s main target is a child. Advertising constantly bombards today’s kids. This has created a materialistic ethos among children and teens. Young people are the ultimate consumer. Their age and inexperience makes them extremely vulnerable. Food, fashion, cars, and hand-held technology are a few can’t live without products. An extremely recent Stanford University study backs up our dependence on mobile technology. Dr. Richard Menken, the main author of the report, suggests a near constant daily exposure to “glowing rectangles.” Thirty different types tell us how to think, feel, and act. These boxes define school, work, entertainment, daily rhythms, and communication. Is it me or have our brain’s been replaced by an external machine? The key point is that the deck is stacked against parents. The TV and computer have replaced the family meal. Constant text messaging interrupts holiday conversations with extended family. My cousin was good for over 10,000 messages per month! What’s the use of a “birds and bees” talk when children learn about sex and relationships from cartoons? The following alarming statistics come from U.S. News and World Report . Sixty-five percent of U.S. households have a TV in the bedroom. Twenty-five percent of toddler’s have sets in their rooms. Children average over forty-four hours of weekly screen time. Only sleep accounts for hours of the day, and it’s a close call. All that screen time adds up to over a million messages of various types yearly. Yes, you are reading a glowing screen. I think that’s irony.

Dr. David Walsh is a psychiatrist and founder of National Institute on Media and the Family. He has made it his life’s work to educate and empower parents. Major parent-child issues that he has extensively studied include screen dependence, instant gratification, and self-discipline. I plan on reading his book No: Why Kids of All Ages Need to Hear It and Ways Parents Can Say It in the near future. Maybe when I conquer my ED 630 reading schedule! I am more familiar with the grassroots reaction Say Yes to NO - MN that his book had on my home state of Minnesota. Dr. Walsh has spoken to groups of concerned parents, educators, and businesspeople. Every Minnesota principal has been sent a toolkit. This tour has gone national and his book is now published in several languages.


All of us have seen the spoiled, rotten kid at the store. Crying, cajoling, begging, and pleading to get what he or she wants. When a parent says no the child throws a humiliating temper tantrum, or can even be abusive with a parent. I have been probably been that kid before. A lot of us can say we were. There were probably times that my mother was embarrassed, gave in, or was flabbergasted. Knowing my mother most of the time that I acted out I got the cold shoulder. This is just a minor example. Dr. Walsh suggests that this generation is plagued with instant gratification. Dr. Walsh suggests that the media promotes a “more, easy, fast, and fun” mentality. As a result kids have a sense of entitlement. Kids want the latest gadget and aren’t willing to work or wait for it. Many parents pacify their demands in exchange for peace and quiet and a friendly relationship. Many of us have been on the wrong side of this exchange in the classroom. Jimmy’s mom says it’s all the coaching staff’s fault that he isn’t starting on the basketball team. Or Suzy’s dad wants an explanation from her social studies teacher why she failed her history test. Nothing is ever the fault of the student. They can do no wrong. Nobody wants to do homework anymore. What I have noticed is that it isn’t a source of shame to earn an incomplete or fail a test. This mentality has really divided teachers and parents in the classroom. It has soured many young teachers on a career in education. I believe apathy is a career killer. The contrast in investment level between teachers and students creates a lot of dissonance.

All of these instances add up. Dr. Walsh believes that this entire saying “yes” trend has dire consequences. Positive traits such as persistence, perseverance, resilience, and determination are lacking. As this generation enters the real world they are in for a rude awakening. Young people are unsure of who they are. A whole era of young people who were given everything as kids isn’t willing to work for anything as an adult. They are looking for somebody else to clean up their mess. There will be a lot of failure for America’s youth. People will either slip through the cracks or leaders will have to lower their standards. Either way, we all lose.

I think this ideology will be tremendously empowering to parents, educators, and the business world. It gives them assurance that saying no will not cause them to lose their children. Of course it is just one small piece to a much larger puzzle. You have to earn a license to hunt but not to parent. There is ultimately no manual that comes with becoming a parent. Many do a great disservice to their offspring in a few short years. The mutual student and teacher experience will be enriched by a return to traditional values. I hope one day, that my generation of young adults can do right by their kids. I will leave you with Dr. Walsh’s battle cry. “No is not the destination.” “It is the road to Yes.”